Bedshaped by Keane
by melisandre013
Summary: Song-fic. Warning: future, death, sadness


He had never expected it to end this way. No one had. Mostly because they had never thought past their goals, never looked beyond that so close, so far future. Only concentrating on reaching that horizon. And they had. They had met it all- Pirate King, Great Swordsman, All-Blue, Rio Poneglyph, Panacea, Map of the World, Brave Warrior, Laboon- all of them succeeding in that fateful day at Raftel. The accursed island that steals dreams and goals, leaving only empty heroes.

They had never expected anything like this. After years of fighting to survive, this was foreign to them. When you constantly risk your life for those around you, you grow used to death. But when the need to protect-to survive- is gone then death has a different connotation. Life was for living, and now death is waiting at the end, menacing.

Fifty years. Half a century since Luffy was crowned. After the initial shock, life was spent as it should be. Long, happy, boring. But he had enjoyed every minute of it. Through it all he never once regretted his decision to stay with them. Leaving them would have broken a piece of him. He hadn't known it then, but now he did.

Now that he was staring down at a row of seven graves. He didn't need to see their names to know where each lay. It was all engraved on his soul, and its presence on the headstones was merely for the world. He didn't need those etchings to remind him of what had been the greatest crew- nakama- to sail the Grand Line.

_Many's the time I ran with you down  
The rainy roads of our old town  
Many the lives we lived in each day  
And buried all together_

Sanji forced himself to look away and up into the bright, blue sky. He couldn't look at them any longer. There had been too many funerals, and this last one was almost more than he could take. To know that everyone was gone after so many years of happiness killed him.

He heard someone moving behind him, but didn't spare a glance. The footsteps were so familiar after fifty years of hearing them. It was unnecessary to watch Zoro shuffle past him to the newest grave. It was something he'd done since the first burial. He knelt, placing one hand atop the headstone and another in the fresh dirt. In the moments that followed, the only sound was the clicking of Sanji's lighter, setting a fresh cigarette alight.

"You shouldn't be smoking that. The doctor says you're too old to still be smoking," Zoro said. At 69 his voice still retained that deep, undeniably assertive quality that was only tinged slightly with a rasp. Sanji ignored him. Zoro, of course, was right, but this wasn't the time to worry about his health. "Sanji, can you remember it all? Do you remember what it was like to be young and alive?"

Sanji blinked back the tears, chuckling bitterly to hide the wave of emotion Zoro's words had brought. "Going all nostalgic on me? How unlike you."

_Don't laugh at me_

_Don't look away_

"I mean it."

"I know," Sanji replied softly, exhaling out a deep, white stream of smoke. He blinked back the tears the bright light of the sun was causing. "I remember."

_You'll follow me back_

_With the sun in your eyes_

_And on your own_

_Bedshaped and legs of stone_

Sanji couldn't stand there in silence much longer, but no words could suffice. Nothing either man could say would fully express what was running through each's mind. Sanji could never express the depth of feeling he held for each of the seven bodies underneath him. Neither out loud, nor in his head. For some reason, none of the words he knew could explain it. He tried to find a way to tell Zoro exactly what this feeling was, but language was inadequate. Sanji probably didn't need to say anything. Zoro would already be feeling the same thing anyway.

He exhaled slowly, watching the smoke rise up into the sun. It floated up and away until it was no longer visible. In it's place he saw a straw hat with a red band. Beneath it, he saw the bright, smiling face he'd known in his youth.

"I remember," he repeated again.

_You'll knock on my door_

_And up we'll go_

_In white light_

_I don't think so_

It could never be that way again, he knew. There was no returning to that blissful place where there were dreams and hopes. Where you were part of some grander purpose, even if you didn't know it. Those years of sailing the Grand Line were packed into every fiber of Sanji's being, and they would continue to be. But time had passed. Friends had left him.

The image of a straw hat faded from his vision, and Sanji was left blinking away the bright light of the sun.

_But what do I know?_

_What do I know?_

_I know_

He turned his gaze back down to Zoro. The aged swordsman was still kneeling on the ground, kneading the dirt under his hands. Sanji watched them clench and unclench. Wrinkled with time, they still seemed as sturdy as they had been years ago. Sanji had reconciled that even with time Zoro would remain the strong figure he'd cut in his youth. Sanji's strength had faded, and now he felt like a husk that couldn't live up to his old image. When the two of them stood side by side, Sanji looked sick and ill, while Zoro was on the better side of hale.

_Even then_, Sanji thought, _even then he was always better than I was. Even when the two of us fought together, he always outweighed me._ Why was that? Sanji shook his head, willing away the memories of a fruitful past.

_I know you think I'm holding you down_

_And I've fallen by the wayside now_

_And I don't understand the same things you do_

_But I do_

Throughout it all, though, Zoro had never once said no. Never told him to leave or stop. It had been a long time before Sanji truly thought about it, but on some small unspoken level he had known. He had known exactly why Zoro never once complained about the extra burden Sanji had forced onto him. Zoro had looked at him without ever once betraying his true feelings. It wasn't until after Thriller Bark that Sanji learned why Zoro had to try so hard to protect him.

Sanji had known, but refused to admit the truth of it for a long time after. Remembering the words he'd said, the things he'd done, the ache in Sanji's heart only grew. He tried to will away the memories, wanting to focus on the times when the other seven crewmates had been alive. The thoughts melted away slowly and left behind a vague sensation of emptiness.

He tried to swallow the bitter taste that began filling his mouth. He knew that nothing would stave away his memories of him and Zoro, not even the grief his nakama's death caused. Sanji just wanted everything to go back to how it had once been. Before Fate had brought them to their goals and left them with life. Zoro was as much a part of him as his hands. Their lives were bitterly entwined, and now at the end, that was all there was to hold onto.

_Don't laugh at me_

_Don't look away_

Zoro laughed dryly. Sanji turned sharply to look at him. The sound was foreign in his throat. "I remember how we always struggled to find moments alone just for the two of us. How is it that now we have an infinite number of moments alone, and I don't want them anymore?"

His heart ached with that question, but Sanji didn't blame Zoro for it. Sanji knew exactly what he meant and how much it cost both of them to still be here while anyone they'd ever cared about was buried under six feet of dirt. He had to look away, though. Grief was still all too fresh.

_You'll follow me back  
With the sun in your eyes  
And on your own  
Bedshaped, two legs of stone  
You'll knock on my door  
And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know?  
I know_

Sanji understood that it happened, that it had to have happened. He just didn't understand why. There was no reason he could fathom why all of them had been taken first. It was Zoro's and his jobs to protect them. At every step throughout their journey, either Zoro or Sanji had been there. An overarching presence of power and stability.

Looking down at the seven graves, Sanji felt as though it had all been a lie. There had never been anything he wouldn't do for them, but at the end there had been nothing he could do. Time had claimed them all. As Sanji knew it would soon do to him and Zoro.

_ahahaa ahahaa ahahaa ahahaa_

That would be the worst. Either him or Zoro. One would have to go first and leave the other alone. Sanji turned back to Zoro, wondering what life would be like if he were completely alone. No friends, no love. Sanji couldn't do it. To live and bury his last friend would shatter every part of him.

He couldn't subject that same pain on Zoro, though. It would be worse for the swordsman who had always strived to be strong no matter what was thrown at him. He was broken too. Sanji could see it in the stiff way he stood and turned his deep, gray eyes on Sanji.

Their eyes met, and Sanji knew.

_Ooooohhhhhhhh_

Zoro reached out for Sanji's hand, grasping it tightly- direly. Sanji forced himself to smile and squeeze back. They began walking as steadily and proudly as they would have decades before. He could feel the heat of the setting sun on his neck, and Sanji turned once more to see the casting shadows of headstones. He shook his head sadly and looked away from the sight.

"Sanji, are you-" Zoro began. Sanji shook his head.

"Yeah. I just wanted to get a last look."

"I understand," Zoro said. He, too, took one last look, and Sanji saw the honey rays reflected on the still tan skin. "We'll be back. Let's go."

_And up we'll go  
In white light  
I don't think so  
But what do I know?  
What do I know?  
I know_


End file.
